It wouldn’t be the truth in fact I’d be lying,
If I told you I didn’t have a fear of flying.
You get to the airport where every ten yards
Are submachine guns in the hands of guards.
You wait in line for hours for a thirty minute flight
When you get to the counter it’s hard to be polite.
The check-in girl wants to know all about your life
Do you do drugs or beat up on your wife.
Then you have to list your next of kin
And what about your horse, is it Arabian.
The sky marshall’s making out with the stewardess,
The pilot’s in the pantry drinking in excess.
At the cockpit door is a Middle Eastern chap
Hollering in Arabic some Islamic crap
“Death to America,” the fanatic loudly cries,
It isn’t hard to see the murder in his eyes.
You finally get to sit down in your seat
The first thing you see there's no room for your feet.
The pilot announces there will be a slight delay
And that takes up almost half of a day.
But then comes the biggest surprise
When the flight attendant with a crazy look in her eyes
Tells you something that is hard to believe
That you've been bumped from the flight and will have to leave.
They're dragging some other people off the plane
As they beat them on the head you can almost feel their pain
They pull them by their arms and drag them by their shoes
Everybody's taking pictures to send off to the news.
I left in a hurry because they are all insane,
The next time I fly, I think I'll take a train.
It's getting harder but I have been really trying
To get over my fear of flying.